I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
