before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
