I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
