mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
