I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
