addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love having hate sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
