I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
