so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize