i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
