Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
