Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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