What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
