I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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