Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it's like iHOP with fire
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
