How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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