Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
