I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
