I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
