i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need a beard to bite.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
