I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
