We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize