You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
