Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
