well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
