We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
