She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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