My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
