The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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