we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
