Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
