I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
