That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
