I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
