I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
