Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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