I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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