ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
