i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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