We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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