Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
