Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
