it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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