I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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