Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
