if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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