i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
