I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
