Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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