grandma shit on top of the toilet
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
