omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
