The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
