Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
