There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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