I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
