My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
