yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize