i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
