he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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