The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
