id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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