I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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