Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
