I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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