Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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