During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will be naked everywhere
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
